I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
