Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
