Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
