so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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