wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
