I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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