Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
