A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
