i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
