Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
