I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
