1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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