And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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