Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
