just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
