dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
