Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
