Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bring me that man meat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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