Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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