he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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