just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
