Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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