Whod you bang
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
