her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
