I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
