i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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