I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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