I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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