Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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