i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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