One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
