I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
