Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
