What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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