Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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