Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
