I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
