my mouth tastes like poor choices
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
