I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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