words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
