She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
