Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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