Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were trust falling into bushes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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