Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
