i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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