True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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