i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
FUCK WHALES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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