Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
