it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
