So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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